What are the Three Parenting Styles?

This post is for all of my parents out there! Whether you are struggling as a parent or would like some more information about parenting, this is the post for you! Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding responsibilities one can undertake. So when you stumble, and you will stumble, give yourself some grace. Parenting can be very hard sometimes.

The style of parenting you choose can significantly impact your child’s development and their relationship with you. As you read these types, if you notice your parenting style in one of these styles here and you don’t like that style, don’t beat yourself up. There is no such thing as a perfect human parent, and there never will be one. We, as humans, are flawed and make mistakes from time to time. So when that happens, don’t beat yourself up; just take a step back and ask yourself, “How could I make this better?” and then make the change!

In the realm of psychology, three primary parenting styles have been identified: the authoritarian, the authoritative, and the permissive. Each style has its own characteristics, benefits, and drawbacks. Understanding these can help you adopt a more informed approach to raising your child. Adaptability is the key; chances are, every child you have will be different from your other children. No two children are the same, and that’s not a bad thing.

Authoritarian Parenting: Structure and Discipline

Authoritarian parenting can be broken down into a parent who has high demands on their child but is lowly responsive to them. To simplify this, the authoritarian approach has high rules and low amounts of love given. Parents who adopt this style have very high expectations of their children, with strict rules and regulations that must be followed. Communication is more one-sided; parents often do not provide the reasoning behind rules and expect them to be followed without question.

When I explain this type of parent to my clients, I will often say this style is like a military drill sergeant. “You will listen to me without question,” they may say. If you have this parenting style, you may also find yourself saying, “Because I said so!” when your child questions your rules.

Movie Example:

If you have seen the movie The Sound of Music, then you have seen what an authoritarian parenting style is. The father in the movie, Baron von Trapp, raised his children in the only way he knew how, like men and women in the military. In the movie, you may notice that his children get up to all sorts of mischief; this is often a side effect of this parenting style. Other movie examples would be Finding Nemo, Matilda, and 10 Things I Hate About You.

It is important to mention that children will always push the boundaries that you set for them. Their boundary-pushing is how your child learns where the line truly is. I will go into this in more detail in a future blog.

Pros: This style can lead to children who are very well behaved and follow rules often without question.

Cons: This style can stifle a child’s creativity, reduce their self-esteem, and lead to overall poorer social skills. Children may also become very good at lying to avoid punishment. This style of parenting causes the child to behave well because they are driven by fear. The child will learn to understand that if they do not live up to your expectations or rules, there will be consequences.

Authoritative Parenting: Balanced and Communicative

Authoritative parenting strikes a balance between demands and responsiveness. Parents set clear rules and guidelines but are also responsive to their children’s emotional and social needs. They are open to communication, willing to listen to questions, and provide the reasoning behind rules and decisions. Think of this style as taking the best parts of the authoritarian and permissive styles, thus creating a new style, the authoritative parent.

Movie Example: The Lion King would be a great example of an authoritative parent. Mufasa showers his son Simba with love while detailing important rules that need to be followed and why.

Pros: This approach tends to produce children who are happy, capable, and successful. It encourages your child to be independent while also stressing the importance of social norms. Remember, every child is often different, so every style will not always fit every child in the same way.

Cons: It requires a lot of time and patience to maintain both the structure and open lines of communication. Parenting is a full-time job, and to all of you single parents out there, I have the utmost respect for you. To use the authoritative style of parenting effectively, you need to understand that it takes time and patience.

Permissive Parenting: Lenient and Nurturing

Permissive parents are very responsive to their children’s needs but have few demands or expectations for their children. They often serve more as a friend than a parent, allowing their children great freedom and rarely enforcing discipline. This approach of a friend instead of a parent may cause issues in your relationship with your child, and it may come out in ugly ways in their adolescent years.

Movie Example:

The movie Mean Girls shows Regina’s mother, and in Willy Wonka, it shows the child that I couldn’t stand as a child, Veruca Salt. Both of those parents are great examples of permissive parents.

Pros: Children raised by permissive parents tend to be very creative and feel emotionally supported, which can boost their self-esteem.

Cons: This style can lead to poor social skills and self-regulation, as children may struggle with authority and expectations outside their home environment.

In my practice as a therapist, I have seen many children who are the result of a permissive parent. In my experience, those children were not given clear rules, so they walked all over their parents in their teenage years.

I have also seen children that completely break apart when something goes wrong in their lives because the permissive parent was always there to quickly help them up when they stumbled. That causes your child to be dependent on others instead of being independent and understanding how to approach conflicts.

Conclusion and Extra Information

I want to really send home the message that no two children are often the same. Therefore, no parenting style will fit each child exactly the same. As a therapist, I have had children of all three of these parenting styles come into my therapy office. There are truly pros and cons to each of these styles. To be a great parent, you need to be continually looking at yourself as a parent and asking yourself, “How can I improve?” When you are looking inwardly, just remember that you are a human being, which means you are not perfect and you will stumble. As long as you learn from your stumbles and apologize for your mistakes, I believe you will do well.

Below, you will find a list of tips depending on the type of child you have. No two children are the same; half of the battle of parenting is allowing yourself to be flexible because your child will throw the occasional curve ball at you.

For the High-Energy Child

• Tips:
  • Establish a consistent routine with plenty of time for physical activity. This will help the child burn off massive amounts of energy.
  • Engage in interactive and outdoor activities to channel their energy positively.
  • Practice patience and positive reinforcement.

For the Shy and Introverted Child

• Tips:
  • Encourage social interactions with people their age or in the community through small, comfortable settings.
  • Offer choices to empower them in their decision-making.
  • Celebrate the small achievements and victories. This will help boost their confidence.

For the Highly Creative Child

• Tips:
  • Provide various materials and opportunities for creative expression.
  • Schedule regular “idea-sharing” sessions to discuss their projects and thoughts.
  • Avoid overscheduling; allow for free play. This is where their creativity thrives.

For the Child Who Thrives on Routine

• Tips:
  • Maintain a clear and consistent schedule.
  • Prepare them in advance for any changes to the routine.
  • Use visual schedules or apps designed for children to understand their daily activities.

For the Sensitive Child

• Tips:
  • Acknowledge their feelings and provide a safe space for expressing themselves.
  • Teach coping strategies for overwhelming situations. They will happen.
  • Ensure they feel heard and understood.

Sneak Peek

Here is a sneak peek at one of the next blog posts, Love Languages. Developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, love languages describe how people give and receive love. The love language theory talks about 5 languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Understanding and applying love languages in parenting can significantly enhance the parent-child relationship, irrespective of the parenting style.

In our upcoming blog post, we will delve deeper into how love languages can be integrated into parenting strategies. We’ll explore practical tips on recognizing and nurturing your child’s primary love language. This helps in the process of fostering and creating a deeper emotional connection and understanding between you and your child. Stay tuned to learn how this powerful concept can further enrich your parenting approach.

In conclusion, no single parenting style is the “right” one. Each has its strengths and weaknesses, and what works for one child may not work for another. The key is to adapt your approach to fit your child’s unique needs, ensuring a balanced development of discipline, self-esteem, and emotional intelligence. By understanding these parenting styles and integrating the concept of love languages, you’re on your way to creating a nurturing environment that fosters growth, respect, and mutual understanding.

Stay tuned for our next post on love languages and parenting, where we’ll explore how understanding your child’s love language can transform your parenting strategy and deepen your bond.